Decision-making can make or break a marriage. Many of the communication problems in marriage stem from disagreements in decision-making. It’s not the “husband-as-dictator” pattern or the "mother superior" attitude.

Marriage is meant to be two people on the same team. God is the coach and the husband and wife are the players and teammates. Successful teammates co-operate and listen to the coach to call the plays. "How can we help each other" is the lesson we learned last week in having a servant’s attitude. In Genesis 2:18 God said that it is not good for the husband to be a "one man show". Therefore, God created a "helper suitable for him". The word "suitable" means "one perfectly matched." The word "helper" implies that the wife is to be actively and vitally involved with her husband in the task of "subduing the earth". The principle of co-operative endeavor must be applied to the decision-making activities of a successful marriage.

For the wife to be a "helper" and the husband not to be "alone" in decision-making, there must be open and free communication of thoughts and feelings. Why should a husband be limited by his own insights when he has a wise helper? How can a wife be a helper is she is silent? When a husband or wife seeks to control the other they have ceased to be a team. They are no longer co-operating but instead have become competitors with each other. This was never God’s intention.

Team members who cannot agree on the game plan will never have a winning game. Similarly, husbands and wives who cannot agree on decisions will never produce a winning marriage. The Old Testament prophet asked the question "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3). Walking together requires coordinated effort. Similarly, husbands and wives abiding in each other is required for a harmonious marriage. Husbands and wives should always have the same goal of seeking to agree on all decisions.

Having this goal is easy. Reaching agreement on some matters, however, can be a difficult process. We are all individuals and want our own way. We each have our own thoughts and feelings on every subject. Most of the time, these thoughts and feelings do not agree with those of our spouses. So how do we handle this conflict? There must be:

SUMMARY

Decisions should be made in the home in the following manner:

LEARNING EXERCISE

If your goal in decision-making is agreement, and you do not agree after your initial discussion of a matter, what do you do? Basically, there are three ways to find agreement and thus resolve the decision:

1. "Meet in the middle"

husband___________________________________________wife

In this pattern the couple looks for a compromise somewhere in the middle between the two original positions. This middle ground will meet some of the needs of each and will require some giving on the part of both.

2. "Meet you on your side"

husband__________________________________________wife

This pattern requires one partner to give up his/her original position and agree on the proposal of the spouse. This decision may come from the realization that the other person’s idea or plan is simply better or more feasible, or as the result of understanding how important the matter is to the other person and a sincere desire to put their needs above your own.

3. "Meet you later"

husband_________________________________________wife

This pattern admits that for the present you cannot get together on the matter. Therefore, you agree to disagree fors the present. Perhaps after further prayer and discussion you can agree on method 1 or 2. For now, however, you will not allow this difference to divide you. You agree to give each other the freedom to be different. You do not demand that your spouse do it your way.

Try to examine your own emotions and answer this question: "What is it about your emotional reasons that makes it difficult for you to change your position on the matter you are having trouble agreeing on.?"

In your sharing time this week, discuss your emotions and try to understand yourself and your spouse. A changed attitude my make "agreement" a much more attainable goal. In response to prayer, God often stimulates our emotions and attitudes, which enables us to break out of old patterns of thinking and feeling. If you sincerely desire agreement with your spouse, ask God to show you His perspective on the matter.

John Lovoy Notes found at marriage.infomedia.com