INTRODUCTION TO COMMUNICATION

THREE QUESTIONS TO ASK:

1. On a scale of 0-10, what do want your relationship to be?
2. Where is your relationship TODAY (average male rates it 4 points higher than wife)
3. What would it take to increase our relationship to a 10?

1. we are not alike – p. 56
2. The Language of Love (Smalley and Trent): "Throughout history, many wives have found it difficult (some say impossible) to communicate with their husbands. And an equal number of husbands have given up trying to communicate with their wives. Shopping example p. 15
3. Differences between little boys and girls:
   -hospital nurseries – girls have more lip movements than boys study from Harvard pre-school program: wired the playground and discovered that 100% girls’ sounds were recognizable words 68% boys were understandable
4. Physiological Differences (US News)
   • the human brain is divided into 2 halves (hemispheres) connected by fibrous tissue called the corpus callosum
   • between 18-26 weeks T and other sex related chemicals wash over the baby boy’s brain
   • these sex related hormones/chemicals cause the right brain to slightly atrophy, destroying some of the connecting fibers
   • result: most boys start life more left brain oriented
   • and because most girls do not experience this brain bath they are likely to start out more 2 sided in their thinking (more balanced) US News article (top right)
   • electrical impulses still travel back and forth in boys, but slower than in girls DOES THIS MEAN THAT ALL MEN ARE BRAIN DAMAGED?
   • No...men and women merely "specialize" in different ways of thinking
   • MEN: the left brain houses the logical, analytical, factual and aggressive centers of thought – it enjoys conquering 500 miles/day on family vacations – it favors math formulas over romance novels (100,000,000) – 46xyy fills our prisons
   • Women: in contrast, spend the majority of their time from a right brain perspective – this part of the brain harbors the center for feelings as well as primarily relational (25k VS. 12 k) - DO YOU SEE WHY WE HAVE A PROBLEM?

Analogy of marriage to a large house – p.56.

In communication we send messages; each message has 3 components:

1. the actual content – just 7% of the message
2. the tone of voice – 38% of the message
3. the nonverbal communication – 55% - facial expression, body posture, and actions.

**confusing messages are often sent because the 3 components contradict one another.

Five levels of communication:

-level 5: cliché' conversation. Very safe; "how is the dog?","how are you?"
-level 4: reporting facts about others. We are content to tell others what someone has said but not how we feel about them.
-level 3: ideas and judgments. Real communication starts. Person is willing to step out and share some ideas and decisions.
-level 2: feelings or emotions. The person shares how he feels about facts, ideas and judgments.
-level 1: complete emotional and personal communication. All deep relationships must be based on absolute openness and honesty. Difficult to achieve because it involves the risk of being rejected,

• If it weren’t for God’s written Word (He has revealed Himself to us through the Bible), we would not be able to know Him.
• Revelation, therefore is a prerequisite for having a relationship;
• To the extent that two people reveal themselves to each other, to that same degree they’ll be able to have an intimate relationship with each other.
• Do you reveal yourself to your spouse?
• You must learn about your wife’s needs, her wants, her interests, her goals, her dreams, her sorrows, her fears, her problems, her thought processes, her desires (motivations), her feelings, her spiritual gifts, and her temptations.

1. You must learn how to ask the right questions.
2. You must learn how to "draw out" of her the information you need.
3. Remember, revelation is a prerequisite for any relationship; the more you reveal yourself to your wife, and the more you can encourage your wife to reveal herself to you, the more intimacy you will experience.
4. Sterotypically, men talk/communicate because they have to; women do so because they like to: try it, you’ll like it!

1. Bible doctrine
2. Your home: "The condition and appearance of your home is probably more important to her than you realize."
3. The children
4. Your job: she is your helper.
5. Her family: "If you want to avoid serious trouble in your marriage, don’t avoid biblical discussions about your in-laws".
6. Her friends: your wife’s friends can influence her for good or evil.
7. Her ministries (inside and outside of the home)
8. Her goals for the future
9. Specific ways that you can be a better husband and father
10. (and if all else fails) Things you do that bother her

1. discuss three things that happened today
2. how did I feel (emotions) about these three things

1. conversational prayer
2. Robert Cook – biggest hindrance is resentment/anger
3. If we are out of practice, it is like ice skating
4. If not when things are going well, then it will be impossible when things get tough

1. Do it!! Aim for connecting daily: Reader’s Digest article
2. James 1:19
3. Jeremiah 33:3