Anger if the #1 barrier to communication with God and with our spouse. It many times results in conflicts which inhibit conversation or any intimacy in marriage. In this study we will see the different types of anger, learning that not all anger is sin. Also discussed will be the different reasons for anger, and lastly how we must Biblically respond to anger.

Webster defines anger as "a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism". Tim Kimmel points out that anger results when our RIGHTS are blocked within the marriage. The solution that he proposes is that we understand that we have NO RIGHTS in the marriage relationship. Frank Barker has preached specifically on this subject pointing out that anger many times resides in our homes behind closed doors. When anger persists it can progress to anger and bitterness and violence.

Not all anger is sin; in fact, sometimes it would be wrong not to become angry. God, Himself, is sometimes angry (Psalm 7:11). He was angry with Solomon when Solomon's heart was turned away from the God that he had loved (1 Kings 11:9). God was so angry with Israel that He removed the northern kingdom and it ceased to exist (2 Kings 17:18). Jesus showed His zealous anger against the Pharisees (Mark 3:5).

However, most of our anger does lead to sin. We usually become angry out of selfishness and impatience. Kimmel outlines 7 reasons that we get angry:

1. violation of our rights
2. disappointment with our station in life
3. blocked goals
4. irritations
5. feeling misunderstood
6. unrealistic expectations
7. pathological anger

Proverbs talks a lot about anger leading to sin:

1. 14:17   a quick tempered man does foolish things
2. 14:16   a fool is hot headed and reckless
3. 15:18   a hot tempered man stirs up dissention
4. 29:22   an angry man stirs up dissention and a hot tempered man commits many sins

We must learn how to face our anger honestly. When we are angry we must call it anger without disguise. Some people live years with continuous problems because they are unwilling to admit their anger. When anger is discovered we must take responsibility for dealing with it. We must determine to catch our anger at its kindling point. Catch it early and it is much easier to deal with. If we deal with it when there is just a little of it, then it is not so overwhelming. If we wait too long then the burden will be so heavy that we will be tempted to run away from it. We are instructed to be quick to forgive (Eph 4:32) - if we withhold forgiveness then it hurts everyone. And above and beyond, we should love one another as Christ loves us (1 Cor 13). Love does cover a multitude of sins. If you are caught up in the anger cycle, ask God to give you a heart of compassion towards those with whom you are angry.

Many times, if we respond appropriately to the temptation to be angry, God will be honored. Proverbs 29:11 shows us how a wise man keeps himself under control. A man's wisdom gives him the patience to overlook any offence (Proverbs 19:11). We are told to avoid befriending an angry man (Proverbs 22:24-25). And in the very well known Proverbs 15:1 we need to practice giving a gentle answer to turn away wrath.

BIBLE STUDY

1. What was the cause of Jonah's anger in Jonah 3:10 - 4:8?
2. How did God respond to Jonah's anger in Jonah 4:9-11?
3. Why was the older son angry in the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-30?
4. How then did the father respond to this angry son (Luke 15:31-32)?
5. To what does our Lord equate anger with in Mathew 5:21-22?
6. What principles should we employ (and why) in our response to anger (Eph 4:26-27)?

1. Determine your "anger personality type" and see if your spouse agrees with you.
2. Start by identifying one individual that you are angry with and review and implement a Biblical resolution to this anger.